WE SURVIVED: ABUSE UNMUTED
Over the past 20 years a trend has been emerging and gaining traction. Alcoholism in women. Most notably among moms as we now live in the ‘mommy wine culture’. This struggle never begins as a struggle, instead, usually it starts guised as a way to wine down after surviving the parental battlefield of either the day or the week or maybe sometimes, it begins as a social vice. However, what begins as an innocent well-deserved glass of wine, for some, can become anything but relaxing, with mom’s finding themselves on the destructive end alcoholism. Another leg of abuse, substance abuse.
Recently, I had an opportunity to sit with a mom, that understands the world of substance abuse as it pertains to alcoholism far too well. Sarah Jensen, is an indie author known in the world of sci-fi publications. Her latest work on her website, where you can view her blog and access her newsletter. She is a mom a devoted wife and 2 years sober. She is a survivor.
SOCIAL DRINKING?
Sarah’s addiction to alcohol began like many stories out there. In college, she took up drinking socially, with her volume slowly increasing as the years went on, but, according to Sarah, not to the point that would be any cause for alarm. After college she continued having social drinks at family gathering, parties, get togethers the norm for most of us. However, Sarah did begin to realize that although her drinking was limited to social events, she would notably not stop drinking, before the bottle was empty. Yet still, nothing felt out of control.
Sarah’s life continued as with any other young woman, and she became pregnant. The new was a shock but welcomed, twice over. Yes, she was having twins. The urge to drink far from this expecting mom’s mind. With new babies on the mind Sarah had no thought of, or urge for a drink, but after giving birth the urge came rushing back. Being a new mom was overwhelming enough and Sarah did begin to feel not really herself, it was dismissed as just being overwhelmed. Overwhelmed, and a little out of sorts, she said nothing, instead, she assumed that these were ‘normal’ feelings after giving birth. With no red flags raised, Sarah would continue to drink socially, and at no point did she feel like she was losing control.
Eager to complete their family, Sarah and her husband welcomed their daughter seventeen months after the twins. The second pregnancy was just as uneventful as the first, with Sarah’s urge to drink completely abating during pregnancy. However, unlike the first pregnancy, after giving birth those ‘normal’ feelings of being overwhelmed intensified, and she was on an emotional rollercoaster. Feeling frustrated with anyone around her, except her kids, Sarah still did not consider any possibilities beyond being ‘normal’ after birth emotions.
Eventually, Sarah began drinking almost daily. Having bottles of wine after the kids went to bed, to the point of overindulgence and hiding her addiction from the ones closet to her. Even her husband. In time Sarah would be diagnosed with postpartum depression and that is when, in some ways, things began to make sense and Sarah was on her way to understanding her relationship with alcohol and ultimately recovering.
“I felt everyone expected so much from me. And I started drinking more and more when the kids went off to bed, as a way of dealing with this huge rush of negative emotions. When I started using it as a coping mechanism is when I think addiction took hold.” — Sarah
PPD & ALCOHOL ABUSE
The subject of Postpartum Depression is one that I have covered in a piece earlier in my column, highlighting the level at which women are misdiagnosed or dismissed. In Sarah’s case it was no different. The overwhelming emotions and not feeling like herself, coupled with the regular use of alcohol as a coping mechanism was the perfect storm. As Sarah put it “I found myself in situations where I was saying things I did not mean, getting into arguments with my husband about stupid things and was really starting to feel out of control”.
Upon research, I came across a relatively new study in Alcohol Rehab Guide, that found a destructive and dependent relationship between Alcoholism and Postpartum Depression. It stated,
“Addiction to alcohol and postpartum depression have a dangerous relationship, with each often making the symptoms of the other more severe.” — Alcohol Rehab Guide
DECISIONS
Finally, the summer before the twins started kindergarten, Sarah knew that if she wanted to be the support, that her kids needed, as they begin this new journey, she had to get a handle on her drinking.
The first step was a big relief, the diagnosis of Postpartum Depression. With that diagnosis, she received the prescriptions necessary to help support her mental wellness at that time. Sarah said it best, when speaking on the moment the prescriptions kicked in,
“I did not realize how I had become this different person in my head, than I know myself to be; There was a stranger in there, but then it was like coming home, coming back to myself.”
Then came the hard part. Giving up drinking. Sarah chose to go this recovery alone, as with so many living with an addiction of any kind, she was unsure of how it would be received by her husband and loved ones. Especially being fully aware of, and sensitive to, the history of alcoholism on both her and her husband’s side of the family. So, Sarah researched, joined online communities, and did what all great writers do, read.
Two books in particular which Sarah described as “game changers” and which helped her on her journey to becoming sober were, This Naked Mind by Annie Grace and The Biology of Desire by Mark Lewis, both explore understanding alcoholism, addiction, and substance abuse at their core. Understanding addiction, caused Sarah’s view of her struggle, to be less about morality, and more about the repetitive patterns the brain craves subconsciously, causing you to engage in activities that you may not desire. This clarity removed a lot of the guilt associated with her addiction.
“Your brain treats addiction as a survival mechanism” ~ Sarah
LIFE AFTER ADDICTION
Sarah’s ability to step outside of herself, in order to understand that she needed to make a major shift in her life and cut ties with her relationship to alcohol, is very inspiring. What is as equally inspiring is that this was an act executed of her own volition. But, to overcome addiction is one thing; to live successfully after beginning sobriety is another, and Sarah was all in and committed to that journey.
She began by sharing her decision to give up drinking with her husband and loved ones. Notably, they did not understand the severity of the struggle Sarah had with alcohol. Understandably so, seeing that she did hide her alcohol abuse and earned her sobriety on her own. It was only until after, when she fully explained all that she had been struggling with and been going through, that they understood. And the support was there.
Now instead of that bottle of wine, Sarah chooses to relax with a cup of tea, music, candles, or baths. She is very mindful of not replacing one addiction with another and she is avoiding triggers that may cause any type of relapse. It is constant work, but Sarah decided to be better and be sober, a decision that for Sarah, is worth the work needed.
“You can not conquer addiction without knowing the why” ~ Sarah
MESSAGE
With all that she had overcome, Sarah had a message for others out there that may be silently or openly struggling with addiction.
“Trust your gut. If you feel the situation is getting out of control, stop it early. Take the time to educate yourself, you don’t have to commit to quitting immediately. I recommend starting with the “Stop Drinking” sub-Reddit as a valuable resource and supportive space. Most of all, know your reason. You cannot quit for someone else. Your reason has to be for you.”
CONCLUSION
Sarah’s journey through the struggle of substance abuse and emerging sober, successful, and whole, is inspiring and her interview was amazing. It would take Sarah 4 years of full-blown alcohol abuse to decide that she wanted to release her addiction. It would take her 3 months after having her final drink to tell her husband that she had quit. Now 2 years later, she has entrusted me to pen her story. To highlight the fact that, surviving substance abuse is attainable and you can go on to do great things, all you need to do is take that first step. Remember you are not alone.
Note to readers:
The support Sarah received is not always given in cases of alcoholism or those that may struggle slightly with alcohol. Either the addiction is dismissed as an exaggeration of an accepted past time or judged so harshly that support is not given. This is where support groups, access to research, any other supportive resources and an open and welcoming dialogue can come play a huge role.
Thank you Sarah, for being so candid and using your story as we work toward change.
Books by SC Jensen:
Ghostlights : The Timekeepers’ War Book 2 (pre-order link)
Polaris: a Sci-Fi novella (Read for FREE!)
The Ferryman and Other Strange Tales
Social Media Links:
Blog: www.scjensen.com
Instagram: www.Instagram.com/sarahdoesscifi
Facebook: www.Facebook.com/scjensen.author
Additional resources:
